Well, let’s see…what happened this week? Oh yeah, we inaugurated a new president. A new beginning…A new America…A rejuvenated America…A stronger America. As of January 20, 2009, women’s breasts will get larger. Men’s schwantzes will get bigger. We’ll all develop abs of iron and buns of steel. Our chests and nether regions will swell with power and become hairier. We will all have jobs we love and never want to leave. We will all become millionaires…no wait, we will become billionaires. Our enemies will stop fucking with us, because we have become a NEW, IMPROVED AMERICA!

Wait for it…

BULLSHIT!! Same shit, different president. Only this one, hopefully, will have a clue. Maybe he can come up with a better way to help the economy than issuing $1500 rebate checks.

When watching the inauguration, I suddenly had this vision:

Obama steps up to the podium to give his speech when suddenly he pulls off his coat revealing a tan cowboy outfit, puts on a white cowboy hat and starts his speech by saying, “Where de white women at?”

Of course you only get that joke if you’ve seen Blazing Saddles. I’m also sure that a lot of Republicans and/or southerners expected that, or something like that to happen too.

I really liked the speech Obama gave too. Short, to the point and a nice little bitch slap at Dumm-ya. Of course I’m sure Dumm-ya didn’t get it until Dr. Strangelove (Dick Cheney) explained it to him.

The gist of Obama’s speech was that nothing is going to be fixed right away & that miracles should not be expected. I liked the speech because he tempered a lot of feelings that people have that he’s going to fix everything immediately.

You know something I would’ve paid to see Obama do? After his speech when he and the other dignitaries were leaving the podium, I would’ve liked to have seen him shake Dumm-ya’s hand, then kick him off the balcony of the Capitol screaming, “Get the fuck off my stoop and get the hell outta my yard!” Fortunately, Obama has a lot more class than I do.

And would somebody, anybody, anybody please tell me what that thing on Aretha’s head was?

Here’s a joke for you gun enthusiasts courtesy of our new administration:

Knock-Knock.

Who’s there?

ATF…surrender your guns.

That joke cracks me up. But seriously people, it won’t happen. Besides, the ATF already knows who you are and where you live.

Last, but not least, did you read where Michelle Obama’s freaking HAIR STYLIST is going to get his own reality show? Can’t ANYONE stop the madness?!?

That's all for now. Get back to work making this country great again.