Monday, July 7, 2008

At the Movies

If you haven’t already gone to see it, go see Get Smart. Now. Without delay.

It is hilarious and best of all, it has Anne Hathaway in it, and she is an absolute hot-tay.

The best thing about it is the fact that Steve Carrell didn’t try to play Maxwell Smart like Don Adams.

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From the “I can’t see how this idea will be a problem” files

The Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, in all of its infinite wisdom, is now issuing license plates to those who request them with the slogan, Choose Life, printed across the bottom.

According to the DMV (Department of Motor Vehicles, that is) this is allowed because the Right to Life organization is registered as a non-profit organization. The DMV further states that the Right to Choose people (or whatever their organization is named) is also registered as a non-profit group and is working on their slogan for a license plate.

Yeah. You can see this idea going to hell in a handbasket in a fucking hurry, can’t you?

First, given how psychotic the RTL (Right to Life) people are, can’t you just see one of those nuts pulling out a gun on highway and taking a few shots at someone who has a “Right to Choose” plate?

And, can’t you just see one of these other great alternative organizations like say, oh I don’t know, the freaking KKK suing the state so THEY can have their own little slogan on a license plate? Although I do have to admit that thinking of those possibilities is amusing. Maybe Bill from Long Island or DCV in Longmont or some of you can think of some.

Maybe it’s not such a bad idea after all. If we can get enough of these idiots to wear their politics on their license plates, it might thin out the herd. Or at least traffic.

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Gay Marriage…again

You know its election time when the subject of gay marriage becomes a Presidential election issue.

Why do we have to go though this election after election, year after year? And why we have to make laws about it? Are there any laws prohibiting gay (or if you want to be politically correct same-sex) marriages?

No. What we have, and what the right wing Neanderthals use as a club, is that in the Old Testament of the Bible (which we all know is NEVER wrong), that says the only true union is between a man and a woman. Do you know why it says that? Because when the Old Testament was written (and it was written by Jews btw), the human race was only 3 days removed from swinging in the fucking tress like a goddamn monkey and we were running around boinking goats, monkey and other assorted freaking mammals!!! The religious people in charge were looking around going, “Oy Vey, something has to be done about this!”, and the next thing you know, BAM…the Old Testament is saying that only men and women can be married.

Let’s just make it simple. Let gays get married. Why should the heterosexuals be the only ones miserable?

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My Blog Profile

It has been brought to my attention by Joe from the gas station, that in my profile I mention my interests are my daughter’s softball team and staying out of trouble. He graciously pointed out that watching a girl’s softball team and staying out of trouble is giving people like himself too much fodder to use against me. I’m afraid he is correct. These statements should NOT and NEVER be used in the same sentence or paragraph together.

Of course only a perverted butthead would make something innocent like that perveted, but, alas, that why I like Joe.

And it would be nice if he got his lazy ass in gear and wrote Hisblog for a change.

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Ed Cahoon…please pick up the courtesy phone. Ed Cahoon, please pick up the courtesy phone…and send me your e-mail address!

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This ends the entertainment portion of your day. GTF back to work.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Presidential Election

Well, it’s that time again. Time to elect a new leader. I’m not too excited about our choices either. On one hand, we have a semi-elderly Republican (or is that an oxymoron?) who may actually know what he’s doing (and would that be nice for a change) and on the other, a young, black Democrat who appears to be very inexperienced to do this job. Of course inexperience didn’t stop Dumm-ya. Ok, bad example.

How come in beauty pageants and realty shows where you can vote for who you want to win, you get multiple choices but when it come to selecting who (or is that whom?) you want to be the head of your country you only get one of two options? This is like going to a restaurant and being told you can have either the chicken or the chicken.

Oh well, more to come on this debacle in the future.

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Indiana Jones

It’s been 19 years. It cost millions to make. One of the most anticipated sequels ever.

And this was the best lame-ass story line Steven Spielberg could come up with? What a waste. Of course Spielberg’s laughing all the way to the bank, so what do I know?

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Knuckleheads in the News

A group of teenagers in North Carolina were having a sleepover and as will happen, the topic of conversation turned to sex. The mother of the young man who was hosting the sleepover and a friend of hers overheard the conversation and decided to join in. One thing led to another and a few of the young men were, to put it delicately (and we know the ‘Rat is ALL about being delicate), serviced in various ways by the mom and her friend. Our young host was not in the room at the time and did not witness the proceedings.

Anyway…everyone was happy until one of the young gentlemen was so overcome (no pun intended) by guilt that he told his parents about what happened and needless to say, the two women are being charged with whatever it is that people get charged for in this situation.

There is only one possible thing you can say to the young man who ratted everybody out.

Wait for it…

ARE YOU TOTALLY IN-FUCKING-SANE!?!?!

This is the absolute CLOSEST you will ever get to hitting the lottery and you felt guilty!? Jesus Tap-dancing Christ! This is a once in a fucking lifetime experience! NOTHING like this will EVER happen again to you in your miserable lifetime and you felt GUILTY?!? What are you trying to be, the POPE?

When I was a teenager I would’ve gladly given 10 years off the end of my life for something like this to happen. I’m sure this applies to just about every heterosexual male out there as well.

Un-fucking-believable.

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Snakes in the News

Did you know that poisonous snakes do not always inject their venom when they bite? And did you know that the Australian Brown Snake is the deadliest snake in the world.

I told you those two facts to tell you this story…

It seems there was a gentleman traveling through the outback of Australia when he had to answer the call of nature. Well, as the gentleman crouched down to do his business; he failed to notice that there was an Australian Brown Snake nearby. Once “settled” in, so to speak, the snake slithered in between his feet and bit the poor gentleman on his danglies. The gentleman was able to drive himself an unknown distance to the nearest medical facility, where, the snake was removed and the gentleman’s equipment was repaired. Fortunately for the unnamed man, the snake did not inject any venom or he would’ve been dead before he had reached his car.

Now THAT’S what I call a trouser snake.

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NEWS FLASH!!!

This just in…The Dograt’s wife actually said that he was right about something today. The ‘Rat was not available for comment since he immediately fainted after hearing this declaration.

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This ends the entertainment portion of your day. GTF back to work.