Other than this sentence, there will be absolutely NO mention of either LeBron James or the soccer World Cup in this entry.
The BP Fuckup
Since my last posting, BP Oil had an oil rig blow up on them & as of this date is still spewing who knows how much oil into the Gulf of Mexico. Of course if they had been following regulations, they wouldn’t have had their problem. Of course if the MMA had been enforcing those regulations, then BP wouldn’t have been able to cut corners AND they wouldn’t have had this problem. Of course if the Dumm-ya Administration of war profiteers hadn’t been de-regulating stuff like this, then…of hell, you get the point.
Personally, I blame Ronald Reagan for most of the problems we have now. He started all this deregulation bullshit back in the 80’s anyway.
BP has T.V. commercials now that talk about how they’re so concerned and being oh so helpful to people in the Gulf Coast. One commercial shows a guy who’s supposed to be a claims processor. The commercial makes a big deal about how hard they’re going to work to file claims and how there’s a 20-billion dollar claims fund…yeah, right. The claims fund is only established because they were forced to by Obama…and as far as how “easy” and how much they’ll help people – that obviously remains to be seen.
The other commercial has a guy who’s supposed to be part of the cleanup management crew in the Gulf Coast and it goes on about how he an BP are doing “whatever they can” to facilitate the cleanup. Hope you plan on being there a long fucking time pal.
Things You Read About That Make You Go, “What the Fuck?”
I recently read that Sarah Palin’s oldest daughter, Bristol, makes around $50,000 in speaking fees. Her primary subject is talking about abstinence for teenagers. If I recall correctly, she’s the daughter who, in 2009, had a child when she was 17 or 18 years old. Her talking about abstinence is like me giving diet tips. And $50K per speech? Do you think she would get paid that kind of cash if she was from an inner city and was black? I guess it’s a good deal if your mom is the highest profile, although arguably, the dumbest female in America.
Personally though, I feel this is a sign of the apocalypse.
Useful Health Tip
The next time you have a severe cough, eat a box of Ex-Lax. Within a couple of hours you’ll be too afraid to cough.
And speaking of offensive bodily functions, let’s talk about…
Flatulence
Yeah, flatulence. Flatus. Farting. Pass Gas. Breaking wind. Air Biscuit. Cheek Flapper. Poot. Cut the Cheese. Seam Ripper. Or, as we call it in my house, splitting the beans.
Anyway…
I bring it up (so to speak) because I recently read that humans actually rank 8th on the list of creatures on the planet in producing gas. Or so people who study this stuff say. The animals that produce more gas than us are:
Elephants
Cows
Sheep
Goats
Camels
Zebras
Dogs
The article I read didn’t say that elephants bust wind more often, but judging by their size and the amount they eat, the sheer volume of any one fart ALONE has to be more than a human can produce in just about any period of time..
By the way, the article also noted that termites fart more than any animal on the Earth. I guess that makes sense since all they do is eat, shit, procreate and build termite mounds. So call Orkin…call Terminix…hell, call Al Gore! Termites are the real reason for global warming.
That’s all for now. This ends the entertainment potion of your day. Get back to work.
