Satire: sat-ire [sat-ahy-ur]
-noun
1. the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule or the like in exposing, denouncing or deriding vice, folly, etc.
2. a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule.

A person who works with my wife told me that she enjoyed reading my blog, especially the satire. Satire? I just thought I was being an over-opinionated asshole who was putting semi-coherent thoughts on the web. But it turns out that I was writing satire! I’m being satirical! I had no idea.

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In the News

A black bear in Utah that kept “raiding” a large marijuana farm forced its owners to abandon it. The county sheriff is quoted as saying his county is so law enforcement mind that even the wildlife wants to get in on the action.

No word on whether the bear has been raiding the local Twinkie population.

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Stupid Surveys

I recently heard about a survey that was conducted by a music web site (sorry I don’t remember the name) that had to do with asking what dead rock star would you like to see come back to do one final show. The Top 5 results were:

#5 - Jimi Hendrix
#4 - John Lennon
#3 - Elvis Presley
#2 – Freddie Mercury

And the #1 dead rock star people would like to see come back and do one more show:

John Bonham

That’s right; John Bonham!

I’m convinced that the people who took this survey were seriously stoned. Granting that surveys like this only give people something to argue about, but people would rather see John freaking Bonham over Elvis, John Lennon AND Jimi Hendrix? I even find it hard to believe that Freddie Mercury finished ahead of those three. Proof there’s no accounting for intelligence.
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Speaking of Stupidity

For those who don’t know, I work for an auto insurance company taking calls from customers who have questions. The people who have the policies I deal with are all AARP members, meaning they’re all over the age of 50.

And let me tell you, there’s nothing like listening to 50+-year-old people whining about their auto insurance.

For example, during a call recently, I was explaining to woman that the reason her and her husband’s policy premium increased was because of the speeding ticket her husband received. The man had received a ticket for doing 45 mph in a 25 mph zone. This woman’s response, and I quote, “It’s not like he was doing 70.” And she was pissed that their premium went up. What I really wanted to tell this idiot was that her husband was lucky not to have been charged with reckless driving ‘cause I’m sure the cop knocked the speed the guy was actually driving down.

This type of behavior is not even remotely unusual I’m sorry to say. From the first DAY people get their learning permit, it is known that if you get a traffic/speeding ticket OR get into an accident, you’re insurance premium will go up. These people think that because they haven’t had an accident or a ticket for since the Model T was popular that they shouldn’t be charged for them when they get them. They conveniently forget that they’ve been paying lower rates for years because they’d had good driving records

Of course none of the tickets are deserved and none of the accidents are their fault. I don’t know why I’m surprised at the stupidity of people; I guess I keep hoping it gets better.

More on these morons as things develop.

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This ends the entertainment portion of your day. GTF back to work.