The Election

Even though it’s nice to make fun of how Obama and McCain are running their campaigns, I’ll be glad when the election is over. Like most of America, I’m tired of all the negative campaign ads being used by both sides. Of course, if McCain wins, then we’ll have four years of picking on Sarah Palin. While this may not be most advantageous to the country, it would give people like myself something to write about, like this little nugget:

At a campaign rally in a small town somewhere in North Carolina (I think), she made the comment about how nice it was to be with people who are “pro-American.” As if implying that if you live in a city or highly populated area, you are not pro-American. It may have been her just playing up to the crowd, but a stupid comment nonetheless.

Anyway, it was good to see that both Obama and McCain actually answered the questions presented to them in the last debate. They may not have given the answers people wanted to hear, but they did answer. Plus, with the election being over it will keep these campaign volunteers on both sides from knocking on my damn door.

Former General Colin Powell has also endorsed Barack Obama for President. It’s an interesting endorsement for Powell, given the fact he has been a declared Republican since 1996 and periodically gives speeches for them. I also don’t remember Powell giving an endorsement to Dumm-ya during the last two elections. I don’t suppose that the fact Obama is black has anything to do with it, does it?

Or am I doing a Rush Limbaugh and talking out my ass?

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Spy Pigeons

Iranian authorities captured two pigeons (birds that is) that they believe were “spy” pigeons near the city of Natanz. Natanz is where the Iranian uranium enrichment plant is believed to be located.

The birds were captured with steel bands and invisible string attached to them. No word on what the fate of the birds was. However, I suspect they made a tasty meal for someone.

Also, if the strings were invisible, how did they know they were there? And…they’ll never guess where the spy camera was…

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Phone Conversations

I had this conversations with one of our customers:

Customer: I don’t have my insurance with you and I wanted to let you know that I received mail from your company today. The problem is that it is not addressed to me and the person it is addressed to lives in a town about 50-miles from me. What should I do with the mail?

Me: Um, I would suggest returning it to the post office so that they can forward it to the proper person.

Customer: But why was it delivered to me?

Me: I’m afraid I can’t answer that ma’am.

Customer: But my name isn’t on it, why did I get it?

Me: Again ma’am, I can’t answer for what the postal service does.

I won’t go on further, but trust me when I say that it took me almost 10-fucking minutes to get this woman off my phone.

Of course as my co-worker Jose said, I should’ve told her this is the first known instance of the postal service making a mistake.

Speaking of Jose, he has the easiest name to get right but people ALWAYS get it wrong…for example:

Customer: What is your name?

Jose: Jose…J…O…S…E

Customer: I’ve never heard that name before. Sounds biblical.

Of course when Jose told me this I said that I thought that Jose was one of the lost books of the bible…The Book of Jose.

Jose believes there is a famous quote in the book called Gonzales 3:16.

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That’s it for now. Talk to you after the election.

GTF back to work. The ‘Rat has left the building.

Presidential Debate

Remember the scene in Braveheart when Stephen the Irish guy wants to know that if he joins William Wallace’ band of rebels if he’ll get to kill the British? During the scene, the questions is avoided until he yells, “Father says to answer the fooking question!”

I tell you that to bring this up…

The third and last presidential debate is being held this coming Wednesday and I’m wondering just one thing.

When are Obama and McCain going to answer the fucking questions from the first two debates?

Every time McCain was asked a question, he’d say “Good question, my friend,” or “I’m glad you asked that question my friend,” or some type of variation. He was obviously trying to “reach out” and be friendly but because he called everyone “my friend”, he sounded very disingenuous.

Once the question was asked, he’d go on long winded explanations about how Obama and/or the Democrats had voted against this or that and taking shots at Obama, then finish by saying, “I know how to fix these things,” or “I have the experience to fix these things,” but would NEVER explain HOW he would fix things. He reminded me of George H.W. Bush in 1988 when he kept saying “a thousand points of light” instead of answering questions.

I was hoping Obama would take advantage of McCain non-answering questions, but he got caught up in either responding to McCain’s jabs or taking his own shots. I felt that after a question, Obama should’ve said, “Great question. Now allow me to not answer it.”

Both buttheads kept going over the 2-minute time limit that they agreed to, greatly annoying the moderator Tom Brokaw. Brokaw politely reminded them about the time frame on several occasions but you could see he was getting fed up with them. I was hoping Tom would snap and smack one or both of them with his shoe the next time one of them went over the time frame.

I have a great solution to keep them from going past the agreed time limit when answering a question. Hire a midget and give him a mallet and when the red light comes on and if the candidate doesn’t stop talking…WHAM! The midget whacks the offender right in the old cojones. If THAT doesn’t shut the candidate up, then nothing will. Of course after such whacking, they’ll have to go to a commercial break.

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Politically Correct Insanity
This past weekend, John McCain was asked about the upcoming debate. McCain responded by saying (about Obama) that he’d “whip his you-know-what.” McCain meant, of course, that he’d win the debate. But the politically correct assholes that are in the media automatically made this into a racial statement.

Can we PLEASE dispense with the bullshit and focus on what’s important?

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Sperm Donor
In Adelaide, Australia, there are 30 lesbians who’ve had children that have a birthday party and other outings together every year so that their children will know each other. All of the women became pregnant through artificial insemination. Why is this newsworthy?

The sperm used all came from the same donor. Unless you’re a married couple who cannot have children, there is no regulation for the treatment of infertility in Australia.

The mothers of the children hold the get-togethers so that the children will know each other, eliminating future romantic relationships and possible intermarrying.

It doesn’t surprise me that the organization handling this screwed up, but it makes you wonder what kind of life this guy has that he can make all of these “donations.”

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That’s all folks. Get back to work.

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Work Conversations

As you know, I work in a call center answering questions about auto insurance. In a previous entry, I wrote about how people are shocked when their premium increases after an accident, speeding ticket or traffic violation. We also handle questions about billing, how much a bill is, when is it due, whatever. Anyway, the following is part of a conversation I had recently with a customer…

Customer: Why do I have to pay a late fee?

Me: Well Mrs. So-and-so, you’re previous bill which was due in August 15th, was not paid until after the due date of September 1st and now a service fee has been added.

Customer: Why was the payment late? I sent it on September 3rd.

Me: We didn’t receive it until September 10th, 9 days after the due date. There are options to avoid late fees in the future. (At this point I explain all of them)

Customer: If I don’t want to pay using those options, how else could I avoid late fees?

Note: at this point, the customer and I have been going in circles on this issue for about 15 minutes

Me: Well Mrs. So-and-so, the only way to avoid late fees is if we receive the payment on time.

Believe it or not, people really are this freaking stupid.

I really wanted to say that late fees are so named for a reason, but I thought that would’ve been over the top.

This is only a marginally stupid question we have to answer…In the future I’ll put some of the really stupid conversations in here.

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More Work Stuff

Like any other job, there are a number of co-workers who aren’t the sharpest knives in the drawer.

I handled a call recently where the customer was calling in to make a payment. Her payment was due on 9/28 (or the policy would be cancelled) and she was calling on 10/1 because the rep she spoke with a week earlier told her it would be okay. Now…read that last sentence again. The payment was DUE 9/28 and the rep said it was okay to make the payment AFTER the due date! And to prove she was an idiot, the rep documented this – admitting she told someone to make a payment after it was due.

In the meantime, the customer had been unknowingly driving for 3 days with no insurance. Good service, eh? Fortunately, the customer had not had any accidents and I got the situation corrected (because after all, this IS what the ‘Rat does – makes things better)

Our department is now getting what is called a “Call Escalation Team.” These are people who’ll take calls from rep when a customer wants to speak with a supervisor. Can you see me doing this? I imagine my opening statement would be something like this:

“Hello my name is Al and I’m a supervisor. How can I throw more gas on the fire?”

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Clay Aiken

Clay Aiken, former American Idol winner, came out and admitted that he is, in fact, gay.

Fucking Duh!

Not exactly a secret dude. He says he came out because since he’s had a son (through artificial insemination), he doesn’t want to raise his son thinking it’s okay to lie. Riiiiiiight.

What amazes me is this…many of his fans were shocked, shocked I say, that he is gay. Some news reports even stated that some are so distraught to have been suicidal. Aiken says his own mother didn’t know until he told her. Apparently these people didn’t even suspect.

Are they fucking kidding me? Nobody is THAT freaking stupid. Oops…let me change that. Nobody is THAT freaking naïve. Hmmm…that’s not right either because people ARE that stupid and naive. Oh well, never mind, you get the idea.

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In The News

How to know when you need to lose weight…maybe?

On a British flight recently, there was a couple heavy enough that they had to be repositioned in order for the plane to take off. The report said that their combined weight was about 530-pounds, roughly 265-pounds apiece, leading me to wonder, just how small was the plane that it couldn’t handle 530-pounds on the same side of the plane? And why would anyone, regardless of weight, would want to fly on an airline whose planes couldn’t handle 530-pounds?

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That’s all for now. Get back to work